9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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