My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
