wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
