Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
