i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
