Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
