Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
