____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
