How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
