I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize