apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize