I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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