I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
