who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
