he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
