He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
