I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
