Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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