you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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