Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize