I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
