My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
