It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize