I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I believe in your delicious
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
