saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
