i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
