thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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