She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
