Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
