I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
