Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
