oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
