my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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