do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
