I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
