You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
