we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
