Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
