thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
