What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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