so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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