He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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