Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
