And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
