theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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