he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He did a backflip because drugs
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
