I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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