I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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