I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
