So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
