I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize