I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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