Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
