Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
