I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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