just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
