i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
