Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She's the barista slut.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize