He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
