honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
