Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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