just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
