A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
