You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
