I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
