WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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