Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
