I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
