So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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