She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
