I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
