Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
