I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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