I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
